A teacher was doing a study testing the senses (taste) of first graders, using a bowl of lifesavers.

The children began to identify the flavours by their colour:


Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers.

After eating them, none of the children could identify the taste.

'Well,' she said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spat her lifesaver out and yelled,

'Oh my God !! They're ass-holes !'


How I learned to mind my own business.

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day,
And all the patients were outside shouting, '13....13....13.'

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a Little gap in the planks and looked through to
see what was going on.....

Somebody poked me in the eye with a stick!

Then they all started shouting '14....14...14'...


Teaching Maths

1. Teaching Maths In 1970

A logger sells a lorry load of timber for 1000. His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price. What is his profit?

2. Teaching Maths In 1980 

A logger sells a lorry load of timber for 1000.His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price, or 800. What is his profit?

3. Teaching Maths In 1990

A logger sells a lorry load of timber for 1000.His cost of production is 800.
Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Maths In 2000

A logger sells a lorry load of timber for 1000.His cost of production is 800 and his profit is 200.Your assignment: Underline the number 200.

5. Teaching Maths In 2008

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is totally selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands.

He does this making a profit of 200. What do you think of this way of making a living?

Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes?

There are no wrong answers. If you are upset about the plight of the animals in question counselling will be available.

6. Teaching Maths 2018




What Makes 100% ? What does it mean to give MORE than 100% ? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100% ? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103% ?
What makes up 100% in life ?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K is 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E is 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E is 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T is 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G is 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty;
that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close
and Attitude will get you there,
its the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.   

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