SEXIST

A DAMN FINE EXPLANATION

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children? I'm leaving you.
I want a divorce right away!"

And the husband replied, "Hang on just a minute, love, so I can tell you what happened."

"Fine, go ahead," she sobbed, "but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"

And the husband began -- "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.
The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that,
I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bough t at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same."

The husband took a quick breath and continued, "She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said;
 'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'"

****************


 

HIS AND HER DIARIES

    HER DIARY:

    Thursday, 24th June

    Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I went
    Shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late
    so thought it might be that.

    The bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk.
    He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go somewhere nice to eat.

    All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed and
    didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying.

    I just knew that something was wrong.

    He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated but followed. I asked him again if there was something the matter but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.

    After about 10 minutes of Silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed.
    I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile. He didn't follow me up but later he did, and I was surprised when we made love. He still seemed distant and a bit cold, and I started to think that he was going to leave me and that he had found someone else. I cried myself to sleep.


    MAN'S DIARY:

    Thursday 24th June

    United lost to Liverpool. Gutted. Got a shag though!

*********************

A man was driving with his wife in the car. He rounded a tight bend too quickly and the passenger door flew open and his wife fell out. The door closed.

A police car saw what happened, picked up the woman and chased after the motorist.

He stopped the car and told the man his wife had fallen out. The man replied

"Thank God - I thought I had gone deaf"!