The Secret To A Long Life

A doctor was out on his morning walk. He noticed the old lady who is pictured in the above photo.

She was sitting on her front-door step, smoking a cigar.

He was intrigued. He walked-up to her and said, "I couldn't help but notice how peaceful and contented you look! What is your secret?"

"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said flatly. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a big marijuana-joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and I eat only junk food.
On weekends, I pop pills and get laid. Oh, and I don't exercise at all."

"That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"

"Thirty-four," she replied.


This is dedicated to all of us who are seniors, to all of us who know seniors, and to all of us who will become seniors. It pays to be able to laugh.

"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!" The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.

"Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow
, on SUNDAY ".

There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter, "Well, shit, so that's why no one was at church today."


Helpful Old Guys

I was in Home Depot the other day pushing my cart around when I collided with a young guy pushing his cart.

I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too.

I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes,  long legs,
big breasts, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra.

What does your wife look like?"

I said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."

Most of us old guys are helpful like that.


Thank You Letter

This letter was sent to the Lions Bay School Principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door pri ze and was writing to say thank you.

This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward to anyone you know who might need a lift today

Dear Lions Bay School ,

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Senior Citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the West Vancouver Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone and I want to thank you for the kindness shown to a forgotten old lady. My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio; but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.

The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to f**k off.

Thank you for that opportunity.