POLITICAL

THINK ABOUT THIS

1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments

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COWS

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Bourne almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Lincolnshire ?
T hey even tracked her calves to their stalls.

But they are unable to locate 2,500,000 illegal immigrants
wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

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THE BRITISH CONSTITUTION

They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq ...
Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys,
it has worked for over 300 years,
And we're not using it anymore.

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THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments
Posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this --you cannot post
'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of Lawyers, judges and politicians .....
It creates a hostile work environment.

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SCIENTISTS DISCOVER NEW ELEMENT

Oxford University researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet known
to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron,
25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a
critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many morons.

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While walking down the street one day a Member of Parliament is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. 'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter.. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' says the MP.

'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'

'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the MP.

'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are many of his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realises it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises....

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where
St. Peter is waiting for him.

'Now it's time to visit heaven.'

So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realises it,
the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.'

The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the rubbish and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. 'I don't understand,' stammers the MP. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time.

Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
What happened?'

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, 'Yesterday we were campaigning... ...

Today you voted !!!

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An Illegal Immigrant picks up a Hooker.

"Hey, how much you charge for da hour, sister?" he asks.

"$100," she replies.

In broken English, he says, "Do you do immigrant style?"

"No" she says.

"I pay you $200 to do immigrant style."

"No," she says, not knowing what immigrant style is.

"I pay you $300."

"No," she says.

"I pay you $400."

"No," she says.

So finally he says, "OK, I pay $1,000 to do immigrant style."

She thinks, "Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now.

I've had every kind of request from weirdoes from every part of the world.
How bad could immigrant style be?"

So she agrees and has sex with him. Finally, after several hours, they finish.

Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, "Hey, I was expecting something perverted and disgusting. But that was good. So, what exactly is immigrant style?"

The illegal immigrant replies, "You send bill to Government."

AND THAT MY FRIENDLY TAXPAYERS
IS EXACTLY HOW THE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ARE SCREWING US  !